[Vivid-Dawn]

I have to agree with Old Salt. The letter is nice, if you were writing to maybe a small, LFS... but for a corporation, it's a bit too... I dunno, "soft". It sounds like you're pleading and asking, rather than telling them to be better. "Please be nice to the little fishies", is what I got.
While you obviously don't want to be offensive, you also need to be firm in the request (maybe make it seem almost more like a demand).
Old Salt would probably be a better choice for helping you with a final draft, but I could give some ideas too if ya want.

I also have to agree with a few others. It may not do much. I'm surprised you got a phone call. I would've expected a form letter. Maybe if hundreds of people complained, they might take it into consideration. But if this is one of only a few (even a few dozen), they'll probably just think "well, nobody else has issues, why bother?"
I know that seems pessimistic...but I like to think of it as realistic, because it's what DOES happen in large companies like that. If they're making money, they don't care what a few bleeding hearts think.

I just quit buying fish from WM... the tanks at my store LOOK clean. And the Neons are wonderfully vibrant...but every time I bring something home, Ich breaks out (and even with medicine, I've had 2 sets of fish die anyway).